2018 Recap: No New Friends, Or Old Ones?
2018 has brought me many ups and downs: job loss in e-commerce, job gain in the industry I love (entertainment), death in the family, births of new family members, friends gained, and friends… falling off the wagon. Is it me?
Sometimes I wonder whether I’m too much of an introvert or too anti-social to keep friends. Sometimes I wonder, is it me or them? Most of the times, I’m busy focusing on my career, figuring out adulting, or just taking a nap. When I do hang out with people, it’s true quality time. And we usually enjoy ourselves. And then time passes, and people fade out of my life. I always wonder whether I’m not trying hard enough or if they weren’t the right fit in my life, or vice versa. I try to do my part, set up times to hang out, text here and there, and like and comment on social media. But once someone turns me down 2-3 times to hang out, I start to assume they don’t want to, and move on. Should I fight for their friendship? I was always the type of person that says, “people make time for what they want to make time for.” I know that people are hella busy (especially in LA where you have to have 2-3 jobs just to stay afloat) but to pass on hanging out without giving any alternatives dates/time periods where you can, I just assume that you don’t want to. And that’s quite alright for my introverted self, who was still snuggled up in bed with cozy pj’s 20 minutes before the meeting time, waiting on you to cancel, anyway. But even if we did meet and I had to actually leave my bed, I would have given you so much time and attention, you wouldn’t have known I was thinking about my bed and The Golden Girls in the back of my head the entire time. When I hang out, I’m present, I’m there, I’m all in. Finding that “balance” (whatever that is) is so important. I know I am busy, so I don’t take my free time for granted, and love spending time with those who want to spend time with me.
But there have been some instances this year where I have just fallen off with other people, and there was no huge fight, no arguments, just a fizzling out. As an adult, I’m learning that people come in your life for different reasons and different seasons, and I am okay with that. We all have lives, we all are grinding, and I get it. I guess I’m not affected that much because I know who my ride or die’s are. And even sometimes, those shift. And that’s okay too. People come and go, and that’s why self-care is so important- you are stuck with YOU for the rest of your life, so YOU better treat YOU right, #1!